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Seven Fallen Couples of Yesteryear

The wise Cher once asked: “Do you believe in life after love?” (And I know you just sang that as you read it). This poignant question has haunted many broken hearts, but it’s time that I put an end to this foolishness. I present to you: a testimony to life after love. In other words, a collection of the finest fallen couples of yesteryear; couples whose flame once burned so bright that they’ve remained relevant years after splitting up.  For the most part, these individuals have gone on to find new significant others; solid proof that there is in fact life after love…. unless you are Britney and Justin, in which case you aren’t truly living if you aren’t together.

Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson

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No one exemplified the American Dream quite like Nick Lachey and Jessica Simpson.  They were beautiful, they were stupid, and they had a reality show about literal nothingness. In all seriousness though, these glorious humans were straight up gems and their show was a gold mine. I mean, the woman actually uttered the following monologue on national television:

“Is this chicken what I have, or fish? I know its tuna but it says ‘chicken.’” Pause. “By the sea.” “Is that stupid?” Pause. “What?” “Don’t make fun of me now, I’m not in the mood.”

Unfortunately for Jessica, her plea was blatantly ignored by the world and Newlyweds became evidence that she was a genuine idiot. Maybe that’s why Nick ended things with her. Regardless, that show was the bomb and it is sorely missed by all. Props to those who remember the show’s theme song.

Zac Efron and Vanessa ANNE Hudgens

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#TBT to when her name was an Anne sandwich. May both their high school lovin’ and her middle name rest in peace.

Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears

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To anyone who knows anything, this relationship was everything. Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake were the golden couple of our generation, and when he said “Bye, Bye, Bye” to our girl Brit-Brit, millions of hearts broke along with hers. Aside from the fact that his hair looked like uncooked ramen noodles, Justin and Britney were perfection. What they had was special. It was real. I mean, she was even a half-virgin when she met him (Mean Girls reference intended). Britney and Justin were everything I wanted to be and more. They still are. So, be gone Jessica Biel (aka Mary from 7th Heaven,) because Justin + Britney R4EVR!

Kevin Federline and Britney Spears

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I am 98% sure this relationship was sponsored by Cheetos. On another note, shout out to anyone who remembers their reality show Chaotic. And no, it’s not on Netflix. Trust me, I’ve looked.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez aka Bennifer

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Ah, yes! The couple that brought us Gigli: The Literal Worst Film of Actual All Time. Aside from the fact that their movie got a 6% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, I found them, as a couple, extremely random. By the time I had gotten over said randomness, they were broken up. And with that, we bid adieu to sweet, sweet, Bennifer.

Love Triangles: I dare you to read those three names in conjunction with one another and not say “Oh Yeahhhhhh!”

Aaron Carter, Hilary Duff, and Lindsay Lohan

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For those who don’t know what went down, both Lindsay Lohan and Hilary Duff were invited to “Aaron’s Party” and drama ensued. In retrospect, I’m obviously team Duff Puff but at the time, it was Lizze Mcguire Hilary vs. Freaky Friday LiLo, so choosing a team was a pretty big toss up. The two senioritas made a whole ordeal out of this teenage love triangle and had a feud, so in the end it was Carter who came out on top. Don’t hate the playa hate the game, ladiez!

Stephen Colletti, Lauren Conrad, and Kristen Cavallari

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Only three things need to be noted:

a. Stephen Colletti is a genuine hottie.

b. Lauren Conrad for the win.

c. Kristen Cavillari’s chokers.

Oh, and d. Let the rain fall down and wake their dreams.

 

Yours creatively,

Avery Hoffman, Online Contributor 

Images: Tumblr, Pinterest, We Heart It