Queens x Bad Hook-Ups Part Two

Queens x Bad Hook-Ups Part Two

If you’re sad that you’re alone on Valentine’s Day, we promise this list will make you feel better. We asked you to share your worst hook-ups, dates, and pick-up lines, and you did not disappoint. Enjoy.

 

Guy listened to “I just had sex” after sex and only lasted 4 seconds then said “it’s been a while” also “I’m only into blondes” … I’m Asian. I left and never saw him again.

 

The guy finished in 3 minutes, asked me if I did. When I said no he handed me my shoes and said he has to get up early I should let myself out. Never heard from him again.

 

I was hanging out with this guy to work on homework for a class we had together pretty much every other week. We had mutual friends and he seemed like a nice guy but I didn’t really know much about him. So one day, I’m at his house and he initiates hooking up with me. I was interested in him too so I agreed to hook up with him. The sex was decent but right after he says he has something to tell me. Confused, I asked him what it was about. He proceeds to tell me that he has a girlfriend. Shocked, I basically scramble out of there. Before I leave, he tells me that there’s a party at his friend’s house that night and I should come – I’d probably meet his girlfriend! Needless to say, I did not go. That is the essence of Queen’s boys for you. To his girlfriend, girl I am so sorry.

 

Brought her home after crushing for months, but unfortunately had just come from a social and was blackout. Long story short I puked in my own bed with the girl in it, woke up remembering nothing.

 

A girl and I met up from tinder and we started hooking up while watching black mirror, quite possibly the worst show to netflix and chill to. I really wasn’t enjoying myself and it was clear I just wasn’t vibing with her. She asked me if I wanted to have sex and I had to decline her because I just wasn’t enjoying things. She ended up staying after this and we awkwardly sat watching the end of the black mirror episode. Meanwhile, my housemates were trying to hotbox our entire house so they were going absolutely crazy downstairs blasting music. I eventually asked if she wanted to head home because I was not vibing with it. I tried to be nice over text afterwards even though I hadn’t enjoyed myself. She unfortunately kept texting me afterwards and I just ended up ghosting her because I didn’t have the heart to tell her no. I then ran into her at a party and found out she was housemates with another girl I’d matched with on tinder. That was extremely awkward.

 

don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing to be ashamed of re: being a virgin. HOWEVER do not talk a big game & tell me that u r going to eat me out until i cum 4 times in a row, and when the time comes stare at my vag like its a sandwich u found on the side of the road. lied and said i had a shift at work i had just been called into at 11 pm. i work retail. there was clearly no shift. just overall awful. 

 

I was hooking up with this guy I met on tinder, it was maybe the third or fourth time we’d hung out and wasn’t serious yet. After we hooked up he grabbed my phone and asked me for my passcode. I was so caught off guard I gave it to him. He proceeded to open tinder and look at all my matches and messages, and even swiped on a few people. I kept seeing him for a few more weeks, then HE ended things with ME. But even though he ended things he kept trying to flirt with me on Snapchat and after a few months of him flooding my notifications I agreed to hang out with him again. When we hung out he asked me to be his girlfriend, I said no but that we could keep seeing each other and play it by ear. A week later he stood me up, and told me I wasn’t  his “kind of person”. I’m still embarrassed that I let him play me like that.

 

Hooked up with one of my best friends, we were just causally hooking up but still friends. Then he ghosted me, a weird thing to do with a friend. Turns out he had gotten back with his ex while we were still hooking up and didn’t want her to find out. He was also hooking up with a third girl who gave him an STI. I was negative. We are no longer friends and his ex broke up with him for good.

 

Was interested in hooking up with one of my friends really good friends… we mutually knew each other and he was really attractive. He’s shows up to our mutual friends place on a night of drinking and he immediately suggests we move to my friends room for some privacy, I’m thinking oh okay my man knows what he wants. We start kissing and he starts biting my lip… not just flirtatiously but like gnawing on my lip. I try to subtly suggest that he stop and he would for about 10 seconds but then it would start up again! The whole time we were hooking up I kept thinking holy shit this fucking hurts!! He ended up coming back to my place and while we were kissing randomly got up and fucking Usian Bolted out the door. Honestly good call. The next morning I woke up with a full on fat lip… Kylie Jenner who? Free injections that lasted about 3 days… dark. We occasionally run into each other and interact with minimal awkwardness. My lips will forever be scarred tho. 

 

The unfortunate high-five immediately after a hook-up. I’ve been a victim of this many times before and will likely be again. Guys, just don’t do it. Please. I’ll usually never talk to them again unless they truly deserved the high-five. 

 

After hooking up, he called me another girls name when I did something to piss him off and pretended it was his “brothers name”. The next time we hung out (I know, probably shouldn’t have hung out with him again) he got a phone call from the girl who’s name he called me and then abruptly left after ignoring the phone call. Have not seen him since LOL.

 

GIRRRRLLLL LET ME TELL YOU THE TEA! okay so this was in my second year and I was just out of a relationship so ya girl was out wildin and sowing her oats. So my friends and I went to an ABC party and I had basically tied a scarf around me flintstone style as an outfit. I ended up clicking with a guy named Alberto at the pre and the ENTIRE NIGHT my drunk ass introduced him by saying “this is ALBER-TOE, like ALBER-TA but TOE.” I should’ve known my night was going downhill from there because then he invited me to come to RMC with him and for some wack reason I went. We’re about 3 minutes into doggy at this point and this man MISSES and HITS THE W R O N G hole. I have never in my life teared up faster than that moment. After that slip up, i move back and he says he doesn’t feel well. He proceeds to yack 3 times in his bathroom, while trying to convince me to stay over and that he’d be better in the morning. I had my friend call me pretending to be crying so I could finally leave. I called an uber and stepped outta the room and realized I was on the third floor of a dorm and had no idea what door to exit from so I literally closed my eyes and picked a door and somehow made it to the lobby and outside onto the field. At this point I’m on the phone with uber guy because he has no idea where I am and im like BOI NEITHER DO I. I eventually find the uber and look in the mirror and what do i see? MY LIP HAS BLOWN UP LIKE A BELUGA WHALE because the man kept sucking on it. The entire way home I’m freaking out because my lip is THROBBING and I have an interview the next morning so I needed to get this lip to calm tf down. I ended up having to ice it all the way till the interview time to let my lip be a normal size again. Never try RMC boys, just don’t. 

 

The whole time he giggled like a kid who had just seen boobs for the first time. Texted me a week later asking to hook up again. I said no because I had been drinking and was drunk by the time he had texted. His response, “even better.” I ghosted after that. 

 

In the middle of sex I dislocated my shoulder and started screaming. My housemate and her boyfriend came to check on us. We ended up playing on the same intramural soccer team… 

 

We were always just friends but definitely had a sexual attraction for each other. I slept over at his in first year and the next morning we started having sex. We start under the sheets and he asks to change positions so he lifts the sheets and his eyes widen. I’d gotten my period when we started having sex. Instead of stopping, we kept going and the blood got everywhere. It looked like the scene of a murder by the time we were done. I washed his sheets for him because I felt pretty bad about ruining them. Oddly enough it strengthened our friendship and we’re still good friends to this day! We agreed to stay STRICTLY platonic though…

 

Some guy told me he didn’t want to date, cause he couldn’t commit fully to a relationship. The next day he then asked me to be “friends with more” not benefits as he was a virgin. 

 

We were in first year and I was going to my first res party. Having just broken up with my high school boyfriend, I was eager to “get out there”. I met this guy at the party and we hit it off pretty quickly. About an hour into the party, I shamelessly asked if he wanted to come back to my res room to hang out. As soon as we got into my res room, we started making out. We moved onto my bed and I casually took my shirt off. He then helped take my bra off. And this is the moment that I will never forget. This boy looked at me with the eyes of someone who had never seen tits before and the first thing he says is “well shit your tits remind me of Jennifer Aniston’s tits…nice.” Needless to say, I quickly kicked him out of my res room. 

 

First date with a guy off tinder. He showed up at the bar (half hour late) absolutely plastered. Even managed to chip my tooth with his glass before the bartender called me an Uber. Paid the tab with his credit card, tipped the bartender $200, and RAN out of there. Woke up to 48 texts and 9 missed calls…. no I didn’t call back.

 

We met on Bumble. At our first/last date, we were talking about school (both grad students), and he commented, “My degree is probably harder than yours.”

 

We went to the movies really far from our neighbourhood. When it was time to go home he didn’t want to pay for an Uber (I didn’t have an account) so we walked an hour home in the dark. On the way home he needed to pee so he peed in front of me into a bush. There were no more dates after that. 

 

We matched on tinder. He asked if I’d like to go for a drink sometime and a couple nights later I met him at a bar. After about 20min of chatting it became very clear that we had nothing in common. In the interest of not being rude I decided to stick it out. He informed me the band should start playing any moment ( I was happy that something was going to fill the awkward silence that ensued) However, the band never showed and the conversation took an interesting turn… He complimented me on my hair, following it up with would you ever consider cutting it ? I had no clue how to respond so I laughed and said I’m very attached. We sat in complete silence for ten min after that when he finally decided to get the bill and leave. 

 

This guy had long hair and a beard and had a sort of Jesus-y look to him. So my opening line to him was “Wow, Jesus is that you?” And then he answered to me “Ah yes my child it is I your lord and saviour Jesus Christ and I do proclaim that your tidings are hot. Now get on your knees and prepare your unholiest of holes to be filled with my goodness.” 😑  I left him on read… I love Jesus but not that much.

 

A couple of years ago I met a boy through work and after we’d been friends for a few months he asked me out. We picked a park with nice walking trails for our first date, which was a great choice at the time but I sprained my ankle two days before the date and didn’t want to cancel. It was also 35 degrees by the time he picked me up for the date, so we were both incredibly hot and sticky. There had been a power outage on the main street we were taking to the park, so the traffic lights were all out and traffic was backed up incredibly badly, but he didn’t want to take an alternate route because he didn’t want to get lost… He got lost anyway. After half an hour in the car (it should have been a 15 minute drive tops) he got into a fender bender with another vehicle, but after exchanging registrations with the other driver insisted that we still go to the park. When we did finally get there we walked/limped through a couple of kilometers of trails in the sticky heat before my ankle was too swollen to walk on and we spent the rest of the date on a park bench. I took the subway home. Against all common sense we ended up going on a second date, which went considerably better than the first. It’s been almost three years now and we’ve both gone away to university, but we’re still together. It’s been long enough for us to laugh about the comedy of errors that was our first date.

 

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