Polar Vortex 101

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Something about this weather just takes your breath away. No, literally. It takes your breath away. This is no love story that I am talking about. Stepping outside my apartment this morning, it was so cold that the temperature literally knocked the wind out of me. It is during moments like this that my primal flight or fight instincts kick into drive, in what is arguably the most passive way possible. In exercising (mentally, of course, because there is no way I’m going to the ARC) my compulsion for survival under these polar vortex conditions, I have discovered that there are a few things that are non-negotiable if you want to make it out of this weather safe and sound.

1) My first mistake was going outside. I just shouldn’t have done that, and take it from me, neither should you. Just because you spent last week successfully skating down Division doesn’t mean you can now do anything you set your mind to. Safety first.

2) Now, consider warm beverages: tea, maybe some Mayan hot chocolate. Your chances of survival are looking up already. Additionally, take cues from fellow mammals like chipmunks, bears, or other cuddly creatures of that ilk, and work on stocking up your food supply for hibernation. In this regard, cheese is probably going to be your best friend, as the extra…fat… will keep you warmer. I am 95% sure that that’s a scientifically proven fact, and not just a ploy to make women everywhere happy.

3) Blankets, lots of them. You know what to do: burrow. Make like Miley and don’t stop (its your party and you can do what you want to).

4) After that: a movie… maybe even make it educational because it’s a week day and all. Since it’s too cold to leave your house for class anyway, you might as well make your movie autodidactic instead. (An added bonus: if you use a laptop to watch, it will probably heat up quite a bit, providing additional warmth – this is Discovery Channel level advice.)

5) A true survivor needs the right gear. Do not take any hints from Karlie Kloss’ latest photo-shoot (see picture above). Layers are a must. Thermals are your best friend and should be worn under all clothing at all times. Wooly socks are ideal to keep those toesies warm, and, if you’re lucky, will also work like a vacuum picking up debris on the floor while you walk around, say, to the kettle for more tea.

6) Until someone adequately answers the question about what to do when your glasses fog up inside, I’m just not even going to bother… Do you take them off until they finally chill out (pun most definitely intended) or what?!

May the odds be ever in your favour.

 

Yours creatively,

Veronica Saroli, Fashion Editor 

Image: Huffington Post