And here we are again, right back where we left off: in the midst of excessive cussing and Queen’s U pride, I was preaching to you about seizing the moment, making the most of your last few months in the Queen’s bubble, and basically living every minute like you’re Rambo. You might have checked out “part 1” and are reading this because you’re curious about what I have to say, or perhaps you’re desperately using any excuse to procrastinate that middy that’s right around the corner – whatever your jig is, here’s six sexy snippets (alliteration, anyone?) of advice that a group of recent graduates had to share with the class of 2013
6. DO THAT ESSAY & GET THE F*CK OFF FACEBOOK
Let’s get the real shit out of the way first: get your work done. Education is a blessing so roll with it. Get out of bed, get off le Facebook, and get your ass to the library. No, not to Stauff 1, you sneaky mom, off to the 4th floor cubbies you go. Schedule your shit – if that that means waking your hungover ass up an hour early, or getting a headstart on that essay due the Monday after St Pattys, just remember: the sooner you get this done, the sooner you can head to Alfies.
Some nifty “get this shit done” tricks include noting deadlines in your agenda a day or two ahead of time, scheduling your daily routine so you accommodate little things like laundry and chores, composing a study playlist, and stop whining.
5. JOIN CLUBS
You might have made a solid group of friends already but you’re never too old for that “lets sit in a circle talk about what kitchen appliance we would be” conversation with a group of people you’ve never met before. Eventually your awkward who-the-fuck-are-you-again smile fades in a genuine love fest, because there’s nothing like a rookie night spent drunkenly streaking down Princess St to turn absolute strangers in to new best friends. Queen’s has plenty of charitable, artistic, theatrical, athletic and fun clubs, and there’s bound to be one, or ten, that you’re keen to try out.
4. PARTY SOBER
So, Rusko/Skrillex/Max Vangeli is at Stages and you have to be up early for Pharm, or English, or whatever it is you stupidly allowed yourself to schedule for 8:30 tomorrow. If you’re really keen to go but can’t afford a hangover the next day – then go sober. Tough one, I know, but it’s not impossible. Besides, it’s actually sort of interesting to see the creepy crevasses of Stages through sober eyes, and for once, you get to be the person filling someone else in on their blackout night.
3. THE “YES” RULE
Stop saying “but I’ve got so much work to do/shit to clean/tv-slash-porn to watch”. So does everyone else. Use your “no” wisely and rarely, share your time with the people who care to ask for it, and try new things. This could mean grabbing an exam size Earl Grey from CoGro with an old friend, or drunkenly breaking in to a hotel pool at 3am after a long, long, long night in the hub. Whatever suits your fancy.
2. GO TO GREEN TRAY. SERIOUSLY.
If you’re reading this and don’t already have Korean-Spicy-Beef-noodles-with-Melon-Milk-Tea-on-the-side halfway down your throat, I give up on you.
1. MAKE A BUCKET LIST
There’s bound to be some crazy shit you’ve always wanted to try with your friends, so get it down on paper and come up with a bucket list – but don’t be a p*ssy, commit to completing all the funnies you listed, no matter what. If you want ideas, or just quite simply can’t be f*cked to come up with one on your own, here’s a handful of our fondest memories:
Get in a fight in the Alfies line, eat Ham-Apple-Cheddar’s, convince Zach the bouncer to let you stand on the speakers, get kicked out of every bar in the hub for dancing on the speakers, make friends with Joe who sits outside of Pita Grill, drink too many team pitchers at Tumbleweed (always), throw a kegger, party naked, stuff your face with midnight specials from El Asador, take a road trip, take a… trip, win Love Shack, do the “jizz dance”, watch vogue/project red/queen’s players, break in to a hotel pool by bribing the security guard with a breakfast burrito, drink a bottle of Alfies Kittling Ridge in under 6 minutes, walk–of-shame your ass to Tommy’s and order flapjacks, do shots in Stauffer, dance on tables at Stauffer, take your pants off in Stauffer, and finally – make friends with your neighbors so they stop trying to get you evicted for that time you drunkenly peed on their doorstep.
There’s more to add but, quite frankly, it’s a bit too R-rated, and you need to peel your eyes off this computer and shuffle over to the hub for some Sunday lovin’ at The Brass. Campus is beautiful, Queen’s kids are dope, and there really is no place like Kingston so enjoy the moment and everything that place has to offer. You won’t regret any of the new things you learn, new memories you make, or new faces you befriend. Final words: Buh-bye.
Z, Founder of Muse Magazine
Please see previous article, DEAR FLY ASS MOTHERF*CKER, for the first part of Z’s amazing advice!
DISCLAIMER: This article is semi-satire, semi-fiction, semi-non-fiction, and does not reflect the Queen’s student body. Some of this shit is based off of experience, some of it is made up, some of it sounds like the writer is a pretentious dickhead – but I swear I’m not that bad, its just really fun to write like this. Stay in school kids.
Photo provided by Neil Scott Goodwin Photography (NSGP).