28 Jan How to Lose Facebook Friends and Alienate People
As members of Generation Y, we often pride ourselves on being masters of the media. However, more often than not the Y in “Gen Y” stands for “Y the eff did I just do that?” The following is a list of social media mishaps: the faux pas and the mistakes that happen to all of us. Join me, friends, on a journey of public humiliation…
1. The “I just snapchatted my brother not my boyfriend”
Whether it’s a heinous creation to your best friend (starring forty-five chins, of course) or a scandalous pic to your significant other, all snap-chatters understand the importance of sending your masterpiece to the desired recipient. Usually, the process of sending a snap is peaceful and seamless. It ends with a response from the appropriate human and all is well in the world of Snapchat. Unfortunately, there comes a moment in the life of all Snapchatters when the process is finished off with a moment of terror. This, of course, is the moment you realize that the picture of you sitting on the toilet (for the full 10 seconds) was sent to the guy you like. Cool.
2. The “I just liked an Instagram photo from 57w ago”
You’re sitting in class, bored. You go on Instagram. You check out your feed, see what’s up and the answer is “not much.” You need more. So you hit the “heart” button and take a look at your “following.” Three of your friends liked a photo, so naturally, you have to see what it’s all about. You click it, and it’s a picture of some guy you’ve seen on campus; a classic “I know exactly who they are but they don’t know I exist” scenario. You do the “look around,” confirm that no one can see your phone, and settle in for a good old-fashioned stalk. You start flying through his photos at rapid speed. Before you know it, you’re looking at pictures of his vacation from 57w ago (as in, last year) and BAM! you accidentally like one. So you unlike it, but it won’t unlike. And there are you are, frantically “liking” and “unliking” this man’s photos in class. Solution: change your Instagram name. And hide.
3. The “I just said ‘no’ to a hottie on Tinder”
Lets be real, hotties on Tinder are a rare find. You start out by left-swiping slowly and cautiously, but as frustration builds, the speed of your “X-ing” rapidly increases. You aren’t even looking anymore, just going on a wild rampage of “no’s.” And then the moment of doom happens. The moment you realize that, lost in the shuffle of ugly dudes and sketchy weirdos, was a rare find in the Tinderverse: an attractive human. Sad is the moment you realize that you said no. Oh, what could have been…
4. The “ I just made your name my status and as a result I should probably just delete my Facebook”
Mark Zuckerberg, you are a sick, sick man. Anyone who puts the search and status bar in such close proximity is a cruel individual. Can’t a girl just look up some peeps without accidentally making their name her status? The answer is no.
5. The “I just sent an email to literally everyone”
Your professor sends an email to your 200-person lecture about the average of the midterm you wrote last week. The average was a 75. You got a 48. You take responsible action and email your professor about this disastrous situation. And with that, 200 people know that you failed your first year “Intro To Music” exam. Why? Because you “replied all.” Ouch.
6. The “I just clicked a link on Facebook and now everyone thinks that‘I couldn’t believe what this girl did in public”
You love it when it’s not you, but you still feel the pain of all those who click virus links. When it is you, the shame is deep and the shame is real. You just want to exclaim from the top of your Facebook lungs, “IT WAS A MISTAKE, OKAY? I DON’T ACTUALLY CARE ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO THE MAN WHO LOST 900 POUNDS IN A WEEK!” The thing is, you do care about the man. You care about the man a lot. And that’s why you clicked the link in the first place.
7. The “I just woke up with a million notifications because I attacked social media while intoxicated”
I don’t care if you are the best drunk in the world. Get off of social media. Not only will you Instagram a hideous photo with a bad filter (I’m talking Kelvin bad) and an even worse caption, but you’ll like tons of things and make indiscernible comments on pictures of people you don’t even know. On Snapchat, you’ll send some horrific photos and wake up in the morning seeing all the “opens,” with no idea about what exactly was seen. The good news is that your recipient was likely in the same state that you were. Cheers to that! The mother of all inebriated humiliation however, is drunk Facebook. I can’t even get into the sensitive details, but all I can do is plea with you, good friends, that you never visit the Book of Faces while drunk.
Avery Hoffman, Social Media Team + Online Contributor